There are some things you just don’t do if you want to have a healthy relationship with your spouse. It’s all about learning to implement the things that add vitality to your relationship as opposed to creating cracks that may end up breaking it. It really is all about you and taking personal responsibility for your actions no matter what the other person has done. A hard one indeed but personal responsibility coupled with clear values regarding your relationship could keep you from these five no no’s listed below. These five no no’s are seriously damaging things and can ultimately destroy your relationship with your spouse.
1. Involving Family and Friends In Arguments – It may seem like the right thing to do but if you’re having a disagreement with your spouse, that is not a good time to talk to your family and friends about it. If you know that you are going to want your family and friends to forget the issue then it’s a bad move to talk to them about whatever is going on between you and your spouse. Family and friends love you dearly, however they won’t be as forgiving as you. You have to remember you and your spouse will have differences, but if you don’t want your family and friends to start filing everything neatly away to use at a later date then keep them out of it. Remember they don’t love your spouse like you do. Besides jetting off to go and relieve yourself of anger by talking to the friends and family is robbing you of learning how to communicate better with your spouse. There are cases where family can help but eventually you will need to know how to deal with your relationship.
2. Assaults On Social Media Is Suicide – Besides it screaming “I lack self-respect” and it is embarrassing to everyone who has to witness it, the idea of shaming someone into behaving right by assaulting them on social media is actually asking for your relationship to be dissolved and it warns people about how you handle your problems. Can you imagine going to your local newspaper store and seeing your face plastered on all of the front pages; well once the drama is out there for the world to see, that is exactly what you should expect. No you may not be a movie star or someone famous, but people do know you and people do care and they don’t forget things like that. In fact when you are all lovey again with your spouse that will be the time they remind of what the other person did. However, if you really value your relationship you will put things in place like counselling to help you resolve the issues you both have.
3. The Convenient Ear At Work – The guy that just listens and is so sweet and notices all the things that your partner doesn’t notice. You confide in him about the problems you are having and he indirectly tells you just how great he was with his last girlfriend. He always says the sweetest things and well when you look at him you are reminded of all the things your man isn’t doing right. Men also fall victim to this they open up and tell the woman who is always smiling at him and not complaining just how unhappy he is at home. She listens intently and tells you all the things you want to hear and lo and behold she suddenly becomes everything your lady at home isn’t. Oh boy what a remedy for disaster. There are plenty of experts out there who are skilled at helping couples restore their relationship and establish values that will bring a healthy relationship. If you value yourself enough to share your life with someone, value the relationship, as it is a part of you; it is where you express who you are. Give your relationship the treatment and care it deserves, as it is part of you by investing in whatever you need to in order to maintain it. As often as you can, use words that lift your partner to your co-workers and most importantly to your partner. Let them know just how important they are to you.
4. Disrespect and Revenge – Your worse thoughts will not be the best thoughts in the heat of a disagreement. No matter what your partner does wrong disrespect is never a good solution. It will only make them feel worse and when everything is all over they won’t forget how you made them feel. Of course you are not responsible for how your spouse feels at any given time however for the sake of relationship and a working together when you disrespect someone you disrespect yourself. Your actions say I cease to value you so I will de-value you. Revenge is also a tool many use in their relationships as a way of communicating; “when I don’t get my way I am going to do something you don’t like just to hurt you” or “when the right opportunity comes I am going to get you back”. In cases where relationships experience much disrespect and revenge they tend to end badly, or with both parties suffering deep emotional wounds. All of which can be handled by learning to communicate better.
5. Manipulation – Manipulation is often used in relationships and most of the times people aren’t even aware that they are manipulating the other partner. However manipulation teaches your partner just how to deal with you. Whilst you may feel in complete control by getting what you want, your partner may be yielding to you, but at a price to you. They may have calculated your every response by your manipulating behaviour and because they can’t control it they may have decided not to give more to that relationship than what is negotiated for during that manipulation. That’s right, your actions designed to get your partner to do more could have actually been the actions that have capped the growth of your relationship once and for all. Try asking for what you would like and if they can’t give you it don’t punish them for it. If you can learn to take your foot off of the manipulation pedal then you might discover more self-love and definitely more love in the relationship and your spouse will most certainly be encouraged by it.
By learning to avoid these no no’s in your relationship you stand a great chance of providing a healthy environment for it to flourish.
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